This thing on? What the hell happened to the little light we had? Well change the freakin' blub for cryin' out loud! What am I paying you for any way? I'm not? Yes I am. Oh, I'm on? ... Dammit!
Attention citizens of [insert city name] we've had a breach. The Bunker™ is fine, the problem is that the Weather Machine™ has been hacked and is out of commission.
I've been contacted by the leader of the Society Against Nasty Technological Aberrations (S.A.N.T.A.) and he tells me he's released an Extremely Limiting Viral Extermination Software (E.L.V.E.S.) into the Weather Machine™
S.A.N.T.A. and his E.L.V.E.S. have rendered it inert. We're working on a replacement but it's going to take time. While the lab boys are working on the new and improved hardware, I need to inform you all that well... we're screwed.
Of course by we, I mean you. I'll be safe and sound as always. There is a "Weather Event" moving in that has the potential to wreak havoc with things and you all need to be ready.
Now I know this is short notice, but I know you can all pull together and fill my coffers... I mean save yourselves... and fill my coffers.
Empty those grocery stores, drain those gas stations and get ready for potential loot n' plundering!
The Collectoin Bots™ will be out in force. S.A.N.T.A. couldn't mess with them, they're on radio waves, not the internet! HA! Take that! Remember, I can't stress this enough, do not taunt the Collection Bots™ just give them the loot.
So you've been warned and updated, my work here is done! Now to get to work on my plan to take down S.A.N.T.A.
It's Science Controlling Radical Obvious Outdoor Geo-climate Eternally! Operation S.C.R.O.O.G.E!
We're done here.